


Everything's Not Lost

by backslashdelta



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blaine/Sebastian is brief and not the main pairing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Infidelity, M/M, Sexual Assault/Rape/Non-Con Between Minors (not explicit), Underage Drinking, Victim Self-Blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 09:54:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25348804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/backslashdelta/pseuds/backslashdelta
Summary: Blaine has finally succeeded in getting Kurt to follow his big city dreams in New York. He should be happy. But instead, Kurt has been distant, and Blaine can't help but feel left behind. What happens when Blaine goes to Scandals on a particularly lonely night, and how will this affect Blaine and their relationship?
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 17
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I felt that Blaine cheating the way he did in canon was out of character. So I decided to fix it. Canon compliant up to that point. This is written from Blaine's perspective.
> 
> I've tried to tag anything I think might be triggering, but please let me know if there's something you think I've missed and I can add it.
> 
> This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction. Please enjoy and be nice to me! Reviews are welcome.

“ _Hi this is Kurt, leave a message”_

Blaine ends the call before he hears the beep. He knows he isn't going to leaving a message. There's no point. Kurt is too busy for him these days with his new school and job and friends and life in New York City. His head thumps back against the headrest in his car as he stares out the windshield. He remembers the last time he was here at Scandals. He'd been here with Kurt. And Sebastian. That night hadn't ended well; Blaine was so scared he had messed everything up after that. Now it hardly seemed to matter, because nothing was right anymore anyway. Kurt seemed to have moved on and left Blaine alone in Lima with nothing.

Blaine shakes his head, slips his phone into his pocket, and opens the car door. He doesn't need to think about Kurt tonight. Kurt clearly isn't concerned with thinking about him. Tonight is just about him, and a gay bar is the perfect place to go when you need an ego boost, Blaine thinks. He isn't going to actually _do_ anything; of course not, he and Kurt are still together, officially anyway. But if a guy or two shows some interest, he might let them flirt with him, and he might even flirt back. That would be harmless. And while Blaine is always sure to present a carefully crafted persona of confidence to his peers, he's still an insecure teenage boy who craves the validation of others. He's been missing that, because his boyfriend hasn't been giving him the time of day lately. And if Kurt isn't giving him what he needs, then Blaine will just have to find it somewhere else.

Blaine takes a deep breath, stands, and makes his way toward the entrance. He still has his fake ID from last time, and like last time, it seems good enough for the bouncer who waves him through quickly. He walks to the bar and perches himself on a stool, sweeping his eyes around the room and surveying his surroundings. What is he doing here? Maybe he should just leave now. This is probably a bad idea, considering how last time had gone. He hasn't even had a drink since then. Maybe if he just tried calling Kurt one more time... As he's about to pull out his phone, his train of thought is interrupted by an all-too familiar voice.

“Blaine Anderson, look at you,” Blaine looks up to see Sebastian walking toward him, smirk on his face, scanning up and down Blaine's body.

“Sebastian, hi. I was... I didn't expect to run into you here,” Blaine stutters, and he blushes a little. It's no secret to Blaine that Sebastian has taken an interest in him; in fact, it's caused a fair amount of tension in his relationship with Kurt. But Blaine has never returned the interest, and he's not sure why he's blushing now as he notices Sebastian checking him out.

Sebastian sits on the stool next to him. “Where else would I be on a Saturday night?” he asks, but he doesn't give Blaine a chance to answer. “You here alone? That's dangerous, Blaine. Fresh meat like you will get snatched up awful fast if you're not careful,” he finishes with a wink.

Blaine stares wide eyed, before blinking at Sebastian, “I, uh- You know, I should probably go, um- it was good to see you, I guess,” he mumbles as he begins to stand, but Sebastian grips his arm firmly and pulls him back down.

“Blaine. Chill. You're fine, I was joking. What are you drinking? Let me buy you one,” he flashes a smile, and Blaine isn't sure why he's agreeing, but before he knows it he and Sebastian each have a beer in their hand as they sit at the bar chatting. And it's nice, sitting here and talking to Sebastian. Sebastian who is so forward, so interested in Blaine, so _here_.

“So, no Kurt tonight? He decided you could be excused from your nightly skincare ritual tonight or what?” Sebastian asks, and Blaine hears the mocking tone but he kind of doesn't care.

“Kurt, uh, he's in New York.” Blaine states simply. He doesn't elaborate. He should be proud of his boyfriend, want to brag about how well Kurt is doing in New York, but it's the last thing he wants to do.

“Huh,” Sebastian arches an eyebrow at that, “and he left _this_ behind?” Sebastian's eyes roam over Blaine once again, and he feels the blush creeping back into his cheeks. He thinks he should argue, say that he insisted Kurt leave, but he doesn't want to because now he wishes Kurt had just _stayed_. Sebastian doesn't give Blaine the time to argue, though, and he might have noticed that this was becoming a theme this evening if he weren't so grateful for the excuse to stop thinking about Kurt.

“Let's get some more drinks and hit the dance floor,” Sebastian winks, and when did Blaine finish his beer? Before he knows it, Sebastian is putting another bottle in his hand and guiding him out to the center of the dance floor.

* * *

Blaine is on what is maybe his fifth beer, though it could be higher because he's sort of lost count, and he's feeling good. This was exactly what he needed tonight, he thinks. He takes another drink from the bottle, spilling a little as he pulls it away from his lips, but he can't bring himself to care. He's wobbly on his feet, light headed from all the alcohol, but Sebastian is behind him, hands firm on his hips, grounding him. Sebastian is grinding his hips against Blaine's ass, breath hot against Blaine's neck. Then Sebastian's hands are turning Blaine to face him, and he's staring right into Blaine's eyes, his own eyes full of lust and Blaine is a little overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment, vision swimming a little as he tries to focus on the face in front of him. But then Sebastian is leaning forward and kissing him and Blaine kisses back, because it just feels _good_. And then Sebastian's hands are all over him; touching his face, his neck, his arms. Ghosting down along his sides, and pulling his ass forward, bringing their bodies flush together. Blaine lets out a low whimper as Sebastian nips his lower lip and grinds his hips hard into Blaine's. Sebastian moves his lips to Blaine's ear and whispers, “My parents are out of town. You want to get out of here?”

Blaine agrees before he even realizes what he's agreeing to, and then Sebastian is leading him outside. He was starting to forget what it felt like to feel wanted and desired and he _missed_ this. He feels dizzy as Sebastian pulls him along across the parking lot, and he stumbles, falling forward, but Sebastian is there to catch him in strong, steady arms.

"Alright Killer, let's get you out of here," Sebastian purrs, and then Blaine is being helped into the passenger seat of a car. Sebastian gets in on the driver's side, shoots Blaine a seductive smile, and then pulls out onto the road. Blaine briefly considers that maybe Sebastian shouldn't be driving, but then again, Sebastian doesn't seem nearly as drunk as Blaine, so maybe he'd stopped drinking earlier in the evening.


	2. Chapter 2

Blaine wakes up with a pounding headache and a very dry mouth. Water. He needs water. He forces his eyes open, and squints at his surroundings. This isn't his bedroom. Where is he?

Oh. _Oh_. He turns his head to the side and sees a sleeping, very naked Sebastian Smythe beside him in the bed. He rolls to the other side to get up, but misjudges the distance and tumbles onto the floor with a loud thump. Groaning, he hauls himself up off the floor and rubs his hands over his face. His memories come flooding back to him; why he's here, in Sebastian's bed, and what he's done, and – he opens his eyes, and Sebastian is looking right at him.

“Morning,” Sebastian smirks at him, and suddenly Blaine feels sick to his stomach, and he thinks that particular feeling might not be a side-effect of the hangover.

“I- uh- I have to go,” Blaine stutters, turning and walking towards the door.

“Blaine,” Sebastian says, but Blaine keeps walking. “Blaine, wait,” but Blaine is panicking, and he's already nearly to the front door, and if he could just get _out_ then maybe he would be able to breathe again. “Blaine, STOP,” Sebastian raises his voice as Blaine reaches for the front door, and Blaine finally stops, spinning on his heel to look at Sebastian, “What, Sebastian?”

“You're not wearing any clothes.”

Sebastian is leaning in the doorway opposite Blaine, in only his boxers, smirk from the bedroom still on his face. Blaine feels his cheeks go hot, and the blush spreads down his chest. He pushes past Sebastian and makes his way back to the bedroom. Sebastian follows slowly behind him.

“Blaine, you need to calm down,” he laughs, “this isn't a big deal.”

Blaine shoots him a glare as he pulls his pants on. “I have a boyfriend, Sebastian. I have _Kurt_. I- what did I do...” he sits on the floor, resting his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

Sebastian sighs. “Blaine, you need to _calm down_. As much as I would love to see the look on your boyfriend's face when he finds out we hooked up, I won't say anything if it will stop you from having a panic attack in the middle of my bedroom floor. Jesus, Blaine.”

Blaine just stares up at Sebastian, wide-eyed. He would glare at him, except he just realized that not only did he _cheat on Kurt_ , but now he has to _tell Kurt_ about it. And it's _Sebastian_. He stands up again and finishes pulling on his pants, and he's seriously worried that he's going to be sick. He grabs his shirt and pulls it over his head as he makes his way, again, to the front door.

“Blaine, where are you going? Your car isn't here.”

Blaine continues through the house, walking quickly, ignoring Sebastian. It doesn't matter that he doesn't know where he's going, he just needs to get out of here.

“What the hell, Blaine, you need to chill, I will drive you to-” Sebastian is cut off as Blaine slams the front door closed behind him. Sebastian groans as he walks to the front door and opens it again, and Blaine is already down the front steps and walking toward the road.

“Blaine! Where are you going!” he calls after him, but Blaine keeps walking. Sighing, Sebastian walks back into the house and closes the door behind him. Blaine can do what he wants.

* * *

Blaine is 20 minutes down the road before he realizes he has no idea where he is. He'd never been to Sebastian's house before, and even if he had, he'd been paying no attention to where he was walking, so it probably wouldn't have helped anyway. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, thanking whatever higher power took pity on him and left him with 10% battery remaining. He scrolls through his contacts. Calling his parents is out of the question. He could call Sam; Sam is his best friend at McKinley since Kurt left, but Sam was still Kurt's friend first, and Blaine isn't sure that he wants any of the kids at McKinley to know about this. Not yet. He lands on Wes' contact, takes a deep breath, and presses the call button.

Wes picks up on the second ring. “Hey Blaine, what's up?”

“Wes, I- can you come pick me up?”

“Are you okay?”  
  
“It's... Yes, yeah, I'm fine. Just, can you come get me?” He knows he's not very convincing, but Wes lets it go.

“Yeah, okay, sure. Where are you?”

“I- I don't know.”

“You don't know?”

“No,” Blaine sighs.

“Blaine. I can't pick you up if I don't know where you are. You have to give me something here.” We chuckles, but Blaine can still hear the concern in his voice.

“Um, I see-,” Blaine pauses as he scans his surroundings, “there's a 7-Eleven. And a laundromat beside it, I think?”

“Snow White Laundry?”

“Yeah, that's it.”

“Okay, I know where that is. Meet me in front of the 7-Eleven.”

“Thanks, Wes.”

* * *

Blaine's phone dies before Wes arrives. He collapses into the passenger seat of Wes' car with a water bottle he bought inside the 7-Elevn while he waited.

“You look like hell, Blaine,” Wes says as he looks over Blaine, slumped in the seat beside him.

“Thanks,” Blaine mumbles sarcastically.

“So, to your house, or...?”

“No, uh...” Blaine mumbles something, and Wes can't quite make it out.

“What?”

“Scandals,” Blaine mumbles, this time just loud enough for Wes to hear.

Wes looks over at him as they pull up to a red light, eyebrows arched. “Scandals? Like, the gay bar?”

“Yes.” Blaine turns to look out the side window, avoiding Wes' gaze. Thankfully, the light turns green, and Wes directs his eyes back to the road.

“Are you... okay?” Wes asks carefully, sneaking a sideways glance at Blaine.

“I'm- yeah. I'm okay.”

They sit in silence as Wes makes his way toward Scandals and Blaine sips his water.

Blaine speaks again after several minutes. “I screwed up. I really screwed up.”

“What happened?”

“I...,” Blaine takes a deep breath, “I cheated on Kurt.”

Wes is silent for a few moments, trying to think of what to say. But he doesn't have to say anything, because Blaine starts talking again.

“I just- he's been so distant lately, and I was so lonely, and I just thought that if I could get out and have fun for a night, maybe I would feel better... I didn't _mean_ to do it. I was just there, and then Sebastian was just there, and it just... happened. Oh god, I- I _cheated_ on Kurt.”

Wes' eyes widen at Sebastian's name, but he doesn't make a comment, and Blaine is grateful because he already hates himself enough for it. “Are you going to tell him?” he asks as they pull into the Scandals parking lot.

Blaine looks over, meeting Wes' eyes for the first time since he got in the car. “I have to.”

Wes nods, and Blaine gets out of the car. “Thanks, Wes. I had to- I couldn't call my parents.”

“Do you need me to cover for you? With your parents?”

Blaine's eyes widen. He hadn't even _thought_ about what he was going to tell his parents about where he was last night. “I- yes. Yes, Wes, please. Thank you.”

Wes nods again as Blaine closes the door and walks to his own car.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt and Blaine walk side by side through Central Park. They're both quiet, an awkward silence hanging over them, and their silences are never awkward so Kurt must know that something is up. Blaine arrived in New York late the night before, and they had gone straight to sleep after they got back to Kurt and Rachel's loft in Bushwick. They'd spent the day out and about in the city, Kurt showing Blaine all of his new favourite places, and now they're strolling through the park as the sun begins to set.

“Blaine,” Kurt stops walking, turns to look at his boyfriend, takes Blaine's hands in his. “What is it?”

Blaine blinks at Kurt, then stares wide-eyed. “What is what?”

Kurt sighs. “Blaine, I know you. I'm not stupid. You've been weird since you got here. I can tell there's something wrong. What is it?”

“I...” Blaine trails off; he isn't sure how to say this. He'd rehearsed it a million times, a million ways, before he arrived in New York City the day before. He had planned to tell Kurt right away, because Kurt deserved to know. But Kurt had been so excited to see Blaine, and Blaine was so scared to lose Kurt, and he just wanted to enjoy his boyfriend while he knew he was still... Well, his boyfriend.

“Blaine... are you okay? You're not sick, are you?” Kurt's eyes widen in horror.

“No, no, I'm not sick, I'm fine,” Blaine reassures him quickly.

“Oh thank god.” Kurt pauses, looking Blaine in the eyes. “Blaine, I love you. And I know that something is bothering you. Will you please tell me what it is? You're only here for one more day, and I don't want you to spend it worrying about... whatever it is that's been eating at you all day.” Kurt gave him a reassuring smile.

Maybe it would be okay. Kurt loved Blaine. Maybe Kurt would forgive him, and give him another chance.

Blaine takes a deep breath, steadying himself. “Kurt, I- we need to talk. Can we, uh, sit down, maybe?” He pulls his hands from Kurt's and clutches them together in front of him, staring down at them, fidgeting anxiously.

“Yeah, of course,” Kurt replies, his tone reassuring as he leads them to a quiet bench under a tree. “What's going on, Blaine?”

Blaine turns to face Kurt, looks him in the eye. “I, um-” he takes another deep, steadying breath, “I was with someone else,” he breathes as he looks down at his hands again, as though they're the most interesting thing in the world.

Kurt is silent for a moment, watching Blaine. “You were... with someone else?” Kurt repeats, and his tone is not at all what Blaine was expecting. He looks up at Kurt again, and Kurt just looks confused.

“With someone else... where, Blaine? What happened?” Kurt's tone is as confused as his face; Blaine realizes that Kurt doesn't understand what he _means_. Kurt must think this is just a lead in to whatever he thinks Blaine wants to tell him, and is he really going to make Blaine spell it out like this? But then again, Blaine guesses that he deserves this. His eyes drift back to his hands, fidgeting anxiously.

“No, Kurt, I- I was _with_ someone else. I, um- another guy.” Blaine mumbles. He can't stand the silence that follows, but he can't stand to look at Kurt either, so he stares at his hands and waits.

“You were with... someone else.” Kurt repeats again, as though he's trying to understand each individual word, and Blaine finally brings his eyes up to look at Kurt. Kurt's eyes are wide, and Blaine can see the confusion fade to understanding fade to hurt.

Blaine grabs Kurt's hands in his own now, holding Kurt's gaze with his own. “Kurt, I am so, _so_ sorry. I- it was such a mistake. I _love_ you, Kurt, you know I love you. I'm so-”

“When?” Kurt cuts him off, pulling his hands from Blaine's, crossing his arms tightly across his chest, and facing forward on the bench, breaking eye contact.

“Um... last weekend,” Blaine replies weakly. “It was just the once, I swear, and I will never, _ever_ -”

“Who?” Kurt turns to look at him again. His eyes are watery and Blaine can see a couple tear tracks down his flushed cheeks. Blaine swallows. This was the one question Blaine was hoping he could avoid. He knew that the cheating was bad enough, but if Kurt knew that it was _Sebastian_ , well... He looks down at his hands again.

“It doesn't matter, Kurt,” he mutters weakly. He knows it's a lie.

“Blaine. Who was it?” Kurt asks again, his voice breaking on the last word.

Blaine bites his lip. He knows that Kurt won't take no for an answer now. And really, he knew it all along, but he'd hoped anyway. Just like he knew Kurt was hoping that Blaine would say any name but the one he was about to say.

“Sebastian,” Blaine breathes, so quietly, that maybe Kurt will mishear him, and Blaine really wouldn't object to Kurt thinking it was someone, anyone else. But then he hears the strangled sob that escapes Kurt's lips, and he knows that Kurt heard him perfectly clearly.

“Kurt, I'm-” he starts, and reaches for Kurt's hands again.

“No,” Kurt pulls his hands away and stands. “You were... God, I- why?” Kurt stares down at Blaine, eyes wide and watery and full of betrayal, hands cupped over his mouth as he tries to hold back the sobs.

Blaine stands and stares pleadingly at Kurt, his own eyes filling with tears. He hates when Kurt cries, and he hates it even more when he's the cause. “You were here in New York living your new life with your new friends and your new job, and I was _lonely_ , Kurt, and you _never_ have time to talk to me and I didn't know what to _do_ , and-”

“No, Blaine,” Kurt cuts him off, “you do not get to cheat on me and then _blame me_ for it, that's not how this works!”

“Kurt, I'm not, but it was just so hard, and I felt so lonely, and-”

“And that's not an excuse! You think that _I_ wasn't lonely, too, Blaine? You are not the only one this has been hard for. You _told me_ to come here!”

“I know, Kurt, and I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.”

They stare at each other for a moment.

“I- I can't do this. I can't. I- I need to- I have to go,” Kurt's voice shakes as he speaks, and he turns and walks quickly away from Blaine.

“Kurt, wait!” Blaine runs to close the distance Kurt has put between them. He grabs Kurt's arm lightly to stop him.

Kurt pulls away from Blaine's grasp and glares at him, eyes a sea of hurt and betrayal and _anger_ , tears already streaming down his face. “Don't touch me,” he snaps. “I need- You need to go- I can't look at your right now,” and he turns and walks away again. This time, Blaine lets him go.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey guys! I thought maybe we could get take-out from that Chinese place down the street for supper and just hang out here for the evening, I've barely even had a chance to see Blaine, you've been hogging him since he got here,” Rachel calls cheerily from her room as she hears the door to the loft open and shut. When she gets no reply, she makes her way into the main living area. “Kurt? Blaine?”

She finds Blaine sitting on the couch, alone, staring up at the ceiling. “Blaine, where's Kurt?” she asks, puzzled.

“He- I don't know. We got in a fight. He wanted some time alone.” Blaine swallows, tears threatening to fall again.

Rachel sits on the couch beside him. “What happened?”

“I-,” Blaine takes a deep breath, “I cheated on him.” He exhales, his breath leaving his body raggedly as he tried to hold in his tears.

“Blaine, you... was it Sebastian?” Rachel asks, eyes wide, and Blaine only nods in confirmation. Rachel takes in a sharp breath. "How could you do that to him?"

"I don't know, I- it just happened, I didn't mean to... I didn't want to hurt him," Blaine says, and he just feels so defeated.

Rachel is quiet for a moment. "Well, it's a bit late for that," she says, standing up and walking to the kitchen. "I mean really, Blaine, _Sebastian_? What were you thinking?"

Blaine groans. "I don't know. I wasn't, I guess."

"No, apparently you weren't."

They're quiet for a while as Rachel makes her tea in the kitchen. She speaks again as she passes him on her way back to her bedroom. "You should- you can sleep in my room tonight. I'll sleep with Kurt. Just let me get my pajamas.”

Blaine almost wishes she was yelling at him, but she just sounds _disappointed_ , and that's so much worse.

* * *

Kurt gets back to the apartment two hours later, and Blaine can see that he's been crying. Blaine stands and walks to Kurt as he enters, but Kurt won't even look at him.

“Kurt, I'm so sorry, can we talk?”

Kurt continues past Blaine, as thought he wasn't there, as though he hadn't just spoken directly to him, and Blaine figures he deserves that. Kurt goes straight to his room, and Blaine just sighs.

Rachel emerges from the bathroom just as Kurt brushes past the curtain sectioning his room off from the rest of the loft. She walks straight into his bedroom behind him, without so much as a word.

Blaine stares at the doorway to Kurt's room, trying to decide if he should try to talk to Kurt or not. He fights with himself for a few minutes, but finally he can't stop himself and he's pulling the curtain aside.

"Kurt?" he asks, stepping into the room.

Kurt and Rachel are sitting on the bed together, Rachel's arms wrapped around Kurt. At Blaine's voice, Rachel's head snaps toward him, but Kurt keeps his face buried in Rachel's shoulder.

"Go away, Blaine," Rachel says, shooting daggers with her eyes from her spot on the bed.

"I just want to talk to him and-," he starts, but then she's cutting him off again.

"Well he doesn't want to talk to you!"

"Kurt, please," Blaine pleads, ignoring Rachel. He'll go if Kurt asks him to, but if Kurt doesn't say it himself, then Blaine is staying put.

Kurt finally lifts his head and looks at Blaine. "Blaine, I-," Kurt starts, stops, takes a shuddering breath, then continues, "not now, I just... can't. In the morning."

"Okay," Blaine nods, and then he's leaving the room, a whispered "I'm sorry" that he's not even sure Kurt hears.

He wants so badly to go in there and hold Kurt tight and make him feel better, but he can't because _he_ is the reason Kurt is so upset in the first place and Kurt doesn't _want him there_ , and he just feels so helpless. He wishes that Kurt would just talk to him, but he can't blame Kurt for not wanting to. He wouldn't want to talk to himself, either. He blinks back a fresh set of tears, and makes his way into Rachel's bedroom, crawling under the covers. He resigns himself to a sleepless night as he stares up at the ceiling and listens to Kurt's muffled crying and Rachel's low, comforting voice in the next room.

* * *

Blaine does manage to get some sleep that night, and when he emerges from Rachel's room the next morning, Kurt is at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee clutched in his hands. His eyes are red from crying himself to sleep the night before, but they seem dry now, at least. Kurt looks up when he hears Blaine enter.

They stare at each other in silence for a few moment before either of them speaks. “Blaine, I... I can't do this,” Kurt says simply.

“Kurt, I am so sorry, you have to know that, I-” Blaine starts, but Kurt cuts him off.

“I know,” he says. “I know you are, but... I can't do this, Blaine. Not anymore. Not now.” His eyes are watery again, but he holds Blaine's gaze with his own. "I don't _trust you_ anymore, and I just... I can't do this. Not if I don't trust you."

Blaine swallows, and he feels a tear run down his cheek. “Okay. I understand.” And really he does. He knew this was how it would be. He couldn't blame Kurt, he could only blame himself. And he _hated_ himself right now. "I'll just... I'll go."

Blaine makes his way back to Rachel's room. He puts on a fresh set of clothes, and throws the few of his belongings that are scattered through the room into his bag, zipping it closed. He walks through the loft to the front door, and opens it. He pauses before walking through the open door and turns to Kurt, who is staring down at his coffee again.

“Kurt?”

Kurt lifts his eyes to look at Blaine, but doesn't speak.

“I, um- I want you to know that I really am sorry. And I hope that, some day, you can forgive me. And- and I love you.” Blaine's voice breaks on the last words, and another tear rolls down his cheek.

"I'm sorry, too," Kurt says, and his eyes are watery as he stares back at Blaine, but he doesn't say anything else; doesn't tell Blaine he'll try to forgive him, doesn't tell Blaine he loves him too. Blaine takes one last look at Kurt before he turns and walks through the door, pulling it closed behind him. As he walks down the hall, he hears Kurt's sobs coming from the apartment, muffled by the walls between them, and he wonders if anything could ever make this right again.


	5. Chapter 5

It's the Monday before Thanksgiving, and Blaine is miserable. He hasn't spoken to Kurt since the breakup. He tried, at first. He would send texts that never received a response, make calls that were never picked up. He even tried sending a few e-mails, but Kurt never replied to those either. Eventually he took the hint and stopped trying. If Kurt decided he wanted to speak to Blaine again, well, he knows how to get in touch.

Everybody at McKinley knows what happened now. Or at least, the basics. They know that Blaine cheated and Kurt broke up with him for it, and that's enough. Nobody has been mean to him, not really, but they all look at him differently now, and he can't blame them for it; Kurt was their friend before he was, they trusted him with Kurt, and he broke Kurt's heart. He doesn't look at himself the same way, how could he expect them to? He just tries to keep to himself and stay out of everyone's way.

Tina takes a seat across the table from him, and Blaine looks up from his lunch in surprise. He's gotten used to eating alone; nobody asked him to stop sitting with them, but he could feel the tension in the air and decided it would be best to eat alone and give them their space. And when nobody joined him the first few times, he figured it was the right decision.

"Alright, time to talk," she says simply.

Blaine blinks back at her. Then slowly, "talk about... what?"

"You and Kurt. What happened?"

He stares back for another moment. "You know what happened." He really doesn't feel like having this conversation right now. Or ever, really.

"I know you love Kurt and you would never cheat on him. So I want to know what really happened," she insists.

Blaine sighs. "I... I did, though. I didn't mean to, but it happened." He's been telling himself that, too, that he would never, he's not sure what made him do it, but he can't deny what happened.

"Blaine."

"What?"

"Tell me the whole story."

He looks back down at his lunch. "It's pretty straightforward," he mumbles.

"I am not taking no for an answer here, Blaine."

They're silent for a moment, and Blaine doesn't look up for a long time but he can feel Tina's stare. Finally, he sighs, defeated, and looks back up at her. "Do I have to?"

She just nods.

"He'd been so busy in New York, with school and his internship and everything, and I was just feeling... lonely, I guess. And I know, I know it's not an excuse, but that's how I felt. And I just wanted, I don't know, attention I guess? Because I felt like he wouldn't even give me the time of day anymore. So I... I went to Scandals. Not to actually do anything, I didn't go there trying to meet someone, I didn't even have a plan, really, I just kind of wanted to feel... noticed. Wanted. But I got there, and I was sitting inside and I felt so stupid, and I was thinking about how I should just leave, I was going to leave, but then Sebastian showed up and I know Kurt doesn't like him but he's always been nice to me and it just felt good to talk to him, I guess. And he was buying me drinks, and then before I knew it we were out dancing and then he... he kissed me, and I was pretty drunk and I wasn't really thinking and I kissed him back and we... he asked if I wanted to go back to his house, and I guess I said yes, and then... well... we did." Blaine swallows, feels his cheeks burning with shame, and he can't bring himself to look at Tina, can't bring himself to see whatever look must be on her face, what must be anger or disgust or disappointment or some combination of the three. But then she's speaking and her voice sounds... concerned? But that can't be right.

"Blaine, you... how much did you drink that night?" she asks him.

He looks up at her, surprised. That was... not at all the reaction he was expecting. "What?"

"How many drinks did you have?"

He thinks for a moment. "I uh... I don't know. A lot. I kind of lost count, I guess. Why does that matter?"

Tina ignores his question. "How much did Sebastian drink?"

"He had a beer when we were sitting at the bar. I don't remember after that, I wasn't really keeping track. Less than me, I guess. He drove us back to his place. Why does it matter, Tina?" He's kind of frustrated now. He knows it was stupid; he shouldn't have gone out to a bar, shouldn't have gotten so drunk, shouldn't have slept with Sebastian. He knows. He doesn't need her to tell him how stupid he was. Because that must be her angle, right?

"Blaine, it just... it sounds like he got you drunk. On purpose."

Blaine stares back at her, an uneasy feeling in his stomach because he thinks he might know now where she's going with this, but he doesn't want to go there. When he doesn't speak, she continues.

"It sounds like he took advantage of you. You can't consent if you're that drunk, Blaine."

"I... He wasn't... I didn't...," Blaine tries, then trails off, not sure what he's trying to say. The thought has crossed his mind a few times since that night, but he's pushed it back down every time. It was his decisions that led to this happening, and he wasn't going to make excuses for himself. That's not what happened. Sebastian wouldn't take advantage of him like that. He decided to go to Scandals that night, to accept every drink that Sebastian offered him. He agreed when Sebastian asked to take him home at the end of the night. Why is Tina trying to make excuses for him? He cheated on Kurt, he doesn't deserve her sympathy.

"Blaine," she starts, voice gentle, and she reaches out a hand and places it on top of his, "it's not cheating if you couldn't consent, it... it's rape."

His eyes widen at the word, because while he's thought about this night a lot, too much, he'd never thought of it as rape. Sure, he'd had a few drinks before it had happened, and he would never have agreed to it under normal circumstances, but... he still made that decision, right? He didn't say no or try to fight Sebastian off. He let it happen, willingly.

"But it wasn't- I didn't say no, I...," he trails off, then quietly, "he asked, and I said yes."

"If you were that drunk, and he was sober, then it doesn't matter. You were not in a state to agree to that."

No. That's not what happened. This is not happening. He was not... He feels sick. He's going to be sick. He's standing, and telling Tina he has to go, and then he's walking out of the cafeteria, ignoring Tina as she calls after him to come back because he just needs to be out of there and alone, away from everybody.

He makes it to the bathroom, and thankfully there's nobody there. He stumbles into the first stall, drops to his knees, and then he's vomiting into the toilet in front of him until there's nothing left to come up. It makes sense, and he thinks he knew deep down all along, but he doesn't want to accept it, and he's just so... ashamed, and embarrassed. He put himself in that situation. If he had just not gone to Scandals, or turned down Sebastian's offer for a drink, or done a million other things differently, it wouldn't have happened, so he feels like really it's his own fault and he's pretty sure he'd be vomiting again if there was anything left in his stomach.


	6. Chapter 6

Blaine sits in the back of the choir room at Glee rehearsal on Wednesday, Tina to his right. Since they talked at lunch on Monday, she's been making a point so sit with him at lunch, at Glee practice, in any of the classes they have together. It's nice, Blaine thinks, and he's glad that she hasn't brought up Kurt or Sebastian anymore since that talk. He's still trying to process what she said to him, and he doesn't think he's ready to talk to her about it again. At least not yet.

Mr. Schue is in front of them now, saying something that might be important, but Blaine doesn't even register the words, too lost in his own thoughts. And then Mr. Schue is gesturing and a few familiar faces are walking through the door. Mercedes, beaming, entering with a loud "miss me?" and a laugh. Santana, head held high, greeting them with a "Hey assholes," and Mr. Schue is scolding her for her language but Blaine doesn't really notice because then there's _Kurt_. Lithe and beautiful as always, painfully beautiful, and Blaine can't stop staring which might have been a problem because Kurt _sees_ him staring, but Kurt is staring right back, eyes locked together for a moment in time that feels like everything, but then Kurt is sitting down at the front with Mercedes, and Mr. Schue is starting the lesson, something about music that you're thankful for, and Blaine knows that he won't hear a word that's said.

* * *

Glee rehearsal is over, and Blaine was right; he didn't hear a word that came out of Mr. Schue's mouth. He spent the whole rehearsal staring at the back of Kurt's head, the perfectly coiffed hair, the way his shoulders shake whenever he laughs, the glimpse of a smile any time he turns to look at someone behind him. It's beautiful and painful all at the same time, and by the end Blaine has decided that he just needs to get out of there. It's Thanksgiving tomorrow, he can throw himself into family and festivities and hopefully forget some of the things he's feeling with Kurt so close.

As Mr. Schue dismisses the group, everyone stands and starts to circle the three guests, but he doesn't. He doesn't think he can handle that, and besides, he's pretty sure Kurt doesn't want to talk to him anyway. He grabs his bag and makes a beeline for the door. He's making his way down the hall when a voice calls out to him, freezing him in place.

"Blaine, wait."

It's Kurt. He knows before he turns around, of course, he would know that beautiful voice anywhere, the pang he feels in his heart at the memories of all the times that voice has said his name before. He watches as Kurt jogs down the hallway to meet him, his own feet planted on the floor, unable to move.

"Blaine, I... can we talk?" Kurt asks, and Blaine's head is swimming, trying to figure out how Kurt went from never wanting to hear from him again to chasing him down this hallway, so he just nods because he could never say no to Kurt.

"I have my car here. We can... we could go there, if you want?" Kurt asks, and he seems hesitant, unsure, and Blaine almost laughs because why is Kurt the one feeling unsure in this situation? Blaine would do anything Kurt asked, go anywhere with him, doesn't he know that?

"Yeah, sure," Blaine responds simply.

They walk through the halls in silence, out the front doors, Kurt leading Blaine across the parking lot and to his car. Then they're in the car, sitting beside each other, Blaine staring down at his hands but he can feel Kurt's gaze on him. Finally, Kurt, speaks.

"Blaine, I uh... I'm sorry."

Blaine's head snaps toward Kurt; he was _not_ expecting this. Why was Kurt sorry? This was all Blaine's fault.

"You're... sorry? _Why_? Kurt, you didn't do anything, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"I should have talked to you. I should have let you talk, and tell me, I... I didn't know."

"You didn't... There's not really anything else to say. I cheated on you, Kurt. It's the worst mistake of my life but I did it, _I_ did that. I don't deserve, I...," he trails off, not really sure what else he's trying to say.

They look at each other in silence for a moment, and Kurt looks torn, though Blaine doesn't know why. But then Kurt is speaking again, and suddenly, things make a bit more sense.

"I talked to Tina. She told me about it. What happened. And it- Blaine, that's not your _fault_."

"Of course it's my fault, Kurt. I went there that night, and I liked the attention, and I-"

"No it's _not_ , Blaine," Kurt interrupts, voice fierce. "What happened-what he did to you, that's not... You wouldn't have. I _know_ you wouldn't have. I should have known. I'm so sorry Blaine, I'm so sorry I didn't know, I should have..." he trails off.

And then Kurt's arms are around him, holding tight, and he's confused for a moment, wondering why Kurt is shaking before he realizes it's not Kurt, it's _him_ , and he didn't even realize he was crying but now he's just sobbing in Kurt's arms. They sit like that for a long time, Kurt whispering calming words into Blaine's ear until the tears subside, and then longer still after that. Finally Kurt pulls away, then they're looking at each other, and Blaine realizes that at some point, Kurt must have started crying as well. It's Blaine who finally breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry I didn't-" Blaine starts, but then Kurt cuts him off.

"Blaine, it's not your fault, you don't need to-"

"No, Kurt, I need to say this. Please." Kurt is silent for a moment, studying Blaine, and then he nods slowly, and Blaine continues. "I know that... that _that_ wasn't my fault, but I just... I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you. Before. I should have told you how I was feeling. That wasn't fair."

Kurt is quiet for a moment, contemplative, before he speaks.

"I'm sorry, too. I should have noticed. I should have known something was wrong. I was so caught up in everything, and I didn't forget about you, but I... I could have done better. I should have done better. I'm sorry, Blaine."

"Can we ever be okay again?" Blaine asks, and he's hopeful, _so hopeful_ , that maybe they can still make this work, somehow.

"Yes. Yeah, I think we will be," and then Kurt is leaning forward, lips pressing against Blaine's, soft and sweet, just a moment, then pulling back ever so slightly and Blaine can still feel the soft breaths ghosting against his own lips. "I love you, Blaine Anderson. I love you so much. I never stopped loving you."

"I love you," and he does, they're the most beautiful words Blaine has ever heard, and then he's closing the distance again, pressing his lips against Kurt's, and for the first time since that night at Scandals he thinks that maybe things will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the end! If you've taken the time to read this, I just want to say thank you so much. This is the first fic I've ever written, and I really hope that you've enjoyed reading it. I'd love to hear what you thought, so feel free to leave a comment. :)


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